ufufufufu | .inbox

Nothing embarrassing about feeling guilt.
It's what keeps us human, I think.

One of your partners, hm?
One of yours.
I'm so happy to hear that you are not alone.
I'm so happy to know that you have something that was thought lost.

Have you thought of them, by the way?
Zingers against Clarence?
I look forward to hearing them!

And it feels like the chaos is slowing down.
It feels like it is.
The blood is in the water but the sharks have grown too tired.
Unfortunate and fortunate.

Too much blood has been spilled.
And so now we shall walk toward a happier future.
One where we can smile.

It is.

[He's asking about the barbs? (Also, who taught him the word "zingers"?). Their relationship now is completely different from what he had anticipated when he made this decision in the first place...
God, he felt sick for even considering using it on Mitsuhide— only if it absolutely, absolutely cannot be helped. Only then. And never to the end. Ever.]

Yeah, I congratulated him and then informed him that it doesn't suit a guardian angel to be living in sin.

[That... joke is not going to make one lick of sense to Mitsuhide, is it, considering how much it relies on non-native religions and (seriously old, but not, like, feudalism old) western pop-culture references.]

The corpses are piling high, there is plenty to eat. Until everyone returns to their senses, we'll make sure it doesn't go to waste.

[It might sound a cannibalistic to talk that way about fellow monsters (not that it should bother Mitsuhide much), but it's all the same to him— and he really is referring to his partner, who's always fed on humans, so that acceptance born in his homeworld simply carried over here.]

Would you like to meet it? You like fire, right? I think you'll find it most beautiful, right now.

[Its ghostly fire is large, blazing, and warm; glowing beautifully, but its entire body is searing hot to the touch. Depending on how early he returns and how near to its feeding, it might still smell of freshly overturned earth...]

A guardian angel to be living in sin?
I suppose he may very well be our guardian angel, hm?

[ Mitsuhide, no. ]

It certainly won't.
I'm planning on going a-hunting, too.
In these last throes of insanity, I'll go a little insane and settle down.
It's the chaos that speaks sweet songs to me.
And soon it will be over.
And then we will lower our heads and pretend it didn't happen at all~

[ He giggles at his own words. ]

But that's probably for the best.
Not all unfortunate memories need be held onto.
Not all scars need be torn off.
Only I think that.
But you taught me that it's okay to forgive and to be forgiven.
So if that is what people decide, then that is what we decide.

[ And a small sigh. ]

I would love to.
There is just one or two more things to do.
I'll cleanse this soul of mine and return.
I can't embrace you with how it is now.
When I saw you in the hospital, it was filled with tiny barbs of anger for you.
And I have to let those out, too~
Not against Paul.
No, not at all.
Your words are as a barrier.
And no one shall die by my hand because of you.
But I will return.
And things will be as they were.
Softer. Kinder.

Mitsuhide is finally growing tired enough to slip back into this rotten skin and sleep for a time. Hopefully, a long time.

[ He speaks of himself as two separate entities, but he isn't. He knows he isn't. There was never two people. There was never any other face but his own. And he knows it. It's just easier for him to say it that way. Not to hide away from what he's done, but to explain why he is done with the killing. ]

Ah no, not us I don't think you understood what I meant, but it's probably best that I don't explain it. For us, that phrase would imply But, considering, shudo, was it called? Never mind!

[Moving right along, but perhaps too late to spare Mitsuhide the unintentional double meaning, that's... a much more pleasant(? ... reassuring?) note!]

Yes, but it wasn't a lesson I learned alone. It's one I had to learn, over and over, from friends like Touya, and that trainer from Kanto, Satoshi, back home... I'm vengeful by nature, you know. I would have killed for Paul. I told him so. I would have. If he did not die by his own volition.

[Before he turned blade to his friend, in a manner of speaking, he considered them both precious.]

I don't know what you plan to do, but I'm grateful you won't kill for me. I know it's hard, but let him go. It doesn't even have to be about forgiving him, if you can't.

Shootie.
I'm not sure that is the word you're looking for...
So I will "nevermind" it.

What smart people we know.
Smart or overly kind??
Kindness may be our downfall.
But will that be better than having it be cruelty?
Maybe.

I'm touched that you're grateful.
I'll say thank you for having those warm feelings to me.
I certainly won't be forgiving him.
That one isn't a forgive and forget.
No, no.
Not at all.
If I see a bus, I'm throwing him under it.
That's the saying, isn't it?
Metaphorical buses need to drive through this place more often.

[Maybe it was the wrong word, but "nevermind" is the appropriate and intended-for response either way. On his own end, "no comment."]

For two monsters masquerading as humans in monster skin, yes, kindness is a better failing, if we wish to keep our friends. Cruelty is a neater, but ultimately lonelier vice.

[He could have left it there, but that boy makes his blood boil.]

We've met before that dream. The truth is... I hated him in our first two meetings. He punched a fist through Adeku-san's ghost when the fog witch punished us with specters. I was so mad, I threw myself at him, wanting to fight. He wanted me to understand they were fake, but, that wasn't the lesson needed for them to vanish. I never laid a hand on Paul's older brother. I think he has some sort of complex, his brother featured in his dream too, but his image swapped sith Satoshi's a great deal... they spoke in almost the same voice. I can't believe that someone with a nature so similar to Satoshi's would have a brother that cruel. The second time was when my transformation left me bleeding on the street. He mocked me! For asking for help on the network! After our battle, I thought, 'This must be some sort of tough love. He's just honest. He must have been guiding me that time too!' so I excused it all, because his cruel approach saved me that time. I was so stupid.

Meh.

[ All he can really say about the idea, yes? Does someone like him actually deserve friends and loved ones? A good question! One that probably should be answered with an emphatic "no." But eh, he returns to the same idea that he's never loved himself so he can't answer a question that requires an objective view. And friends, as he has found it, is rather objective. ]

It seems like he has been cruel to you over and over,
and you forgave it because you wanted to believe there was a reason for it. Sometimes, there is no reason for cruelty. Sometimes, a person is just cruel because they themselves are cruel.

My lord is a cruel man.
There is no excuse for him.
He just is.
He is the embodiment of evil.
And I still love him.

But Paul is a child peeling the wings of any creature he finds.
Human and monster alike.
His cruelty is built on the idea that he's superior to everyone yet he's died so many times because he is weak.
His cruelty is because he is weak not because he is strong.
He hasn't learned his lessons and he won't, because weak people who think they are cruel for strength never do.

My lord is strong and cruel.
His cruelty is never painted as a lesson.
It's never painted as a greater good.
It's never painted as the one and only option because it is right.
It's the one and only option because he says it is.
Because he is cruelty and evil.
Because he can shoulder the hate of an entire country, an entire world, an entire Heaven and Hell.
His cruelty is the cruelty of the strong.

And that is why I'll let Paul live.
Because he's a weak creature that will eventually be crying and crying and crying with no one to listen.
No one save those with too bleeding of hearts.
And perhaps, then, perhaps then... he will learn something.
But he will never learn what it is to be truly cruel.

You understand, yes?

Edited 2017-04-08 22:24 (UTC)

Okay. Yes, I understand.

[Almost comically, anticlimactically short after all that, but he's done.]

Mitsuhide-san, what would you do if your lord ever came here?

Edited 2017-04-09 05:40 (UTC)

A good question.
A good question.
One that doesn't have an easy answer.
I had decided back home that I would not go to his side until my Kingo was lost to the world.
I decided that I would continue to play pretend as Tenkai.
Yet Kingo is not here and I am myself.
And yet if I return to his side, you shall see a Mitsuhide you do not recognize.

It depends if people rat me out.
For all I have spoken of my lord, for all I have said, would they immediately tell him I am here?
If they do, I will have to go back or be seen as a traitor.
If no one says anything, I will have to see on my feelings.
I will have to see on them.

Oh...
It is true I miss him.
It is true I would love to hear his voice.
It is true I would adore it if he acknowledged and called my name.

But at the same time, at the same time, I made a decision back home to not be at his side.
I couldn't uphold it while I was here.

Last year, yes, I grew too desperate and lost and frightened without him.
Indeed, I spoke to an imagined idea of him for months and months on end.
Indeed, it gave me comfort to do so.

But now I am feeling a little more whole.
Captivity gifted me some insight instead of drove me closer to another breaking point.

It's a difficult thing to say, Shootie, about what I would do.
But it would not be an easy decision in any case.
In any case, it would not be easy.

... I hope that day doesn't come to you, while you are here. It sounds terribly difficult. But, if it saves you, you can return to him. If he is that important to you... It also would not be wise, if he is strong and so cruel, to earn his enmity.

... I know no one could possibly compete with your lord, but do you love me for me or am I a substitute for Kingo? You don't have to answer that. I knew Rio-san missed another boy back then. She even said I reminded her of him, a little..

[Terribly insecure, this one.]

It is for your sake, as well.
My lord is someone that would ask me why I would take so long to return to him, if he knew I was here and I did not immediately make myself known.
His comment may end up being along the lines of ... what do I need more in my life than him?

Indeed, I talk a lot about him.
Indeed, I talk fondly about him to everyone I am able to squeal happily about him.
But our relationship is complicated.
Terribly complicated.
More so than I like to admit.
It's easiest to focus on the good of our loved ones.
Much easier and much more fun.

And you know me ... I do not like doing anything that isn't fun if I can avoid it.

[ How long as Shootie worried about this? ]

I am going to answer it.
It seems I am being misunderstood so I must answer.
I do love you for you.

Kingo is completely different from you.

The only similarities that you have is that you saved me when I was without anyone just as Kingo saved me. But even that... Kingo did so without knowing who I was; you knew who I was.
He did it completely out of the goodness of his heart, and because I looked like someone who needed help. I'm not saying that you do not have such goodness in yours, but I don't think that is all you thought when you came for me.

Kingo also sees in me someone who will protect him from all things in the world, too. You are not so naive nor so soft a person to be frightened of the world, yes? Even with this trouble with Paul, I know that you will once more find means to reach out to touch the world, again.
Perhaps far more cautious, but you will do so. That is the faith I have in you.

There is no substitute for Kingo and there is no substitute for you.

A satisfactory answer. We are very different and loved for different reasons too... that's all I needed to know. Thank you.

Edited 2017-04-09 08:59 (UTC)

I never know what to do about being thanked.
Hm.
You're welcome.
Yes, that'll do.

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< mitsuhide >

<ghostprince>

< mitsuhide >

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< mitsuhide >

<ghostprince> [1/2]

<ghostprince> [2/2; g-giiiiiiant text]

< mitsuhide > [ also yeah whoa long long text ]

<ghostprince> [he's spent!]

< mitsuhide > [ mitsuhide's unhappy with a lot of things that is going on, ruining his usual buzz ]

< mitsuhide > [2/2]

<ghostprince> [1/2; ... why this subject choice, sheesh]

<ghostprince> [2/2; aaand jealousy]

< mitsuhide > [1/2]

< mitsuhide > [2/2; ;A; ]

<ghostprince> [it's okay!!! - he's just a jealous person by nature ^^;]

< mitsuhide > [ ;A; it's okay, shootie ]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, MITSUHIDE AKECHI. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 011.27.954.55 * USER has joined 011.27.954.55 <AUTOMATIC RESPONSE, DO NOT RETURN>** Yes? Yes. This is our channel. Him and me. Who are you looking for? Perhaps a third face? :) No, no. Probably not. Okay. I will wait. I humbly apologize. That was confusing, was it not? That man and me share this channel. It would be draining otherwise. If you are in need of Tenkai, please let me know. If you are calling him, I wonder if that is wise? Hahaha.