![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
.inbox
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, MITSUHIDE AKECHI. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 011.27.954.55 *** USER has joined 011.27.954.55 <AUTOMATIC RESPONSE, DO NOT RETURN> Yes? Yes. This is our channel. Him and me. Who are you looking for? Perhaps a third face? :) No, no. Probably not. Okay. I will wait. I humbly apologize. That was confusing, was it not? That man and me share this channel. It would be draining otherwise. If you are in need of Tenkai, please let me know. If you are calling him, I wonder if that is wise? Hahaha. | ||||
< mitsuhide > [ also yeah whoa long long text ]
[ All he can really say about the idea, yes? Does someone like him actually deserve friends and loved ones? A good question! One that probably should be answered with an emphatic "no." But eh, he returns to the same idea that he's never loved himself so he can't answer a question that requires an objective view. And friends, as he has found it, is rather objective. ]
It seems like he has been cruel to you over and over,
and you forgave it because you wanted to believe there was a reason for it. Sometimes, there is no reason for cruelty. Sometimes, a person is just cruel because they themselves are cruel.
My lord is a cruel man.
There is no excuse for him.
He just is.
He is the embodiment of evil.
And I still love him.
But Paul is a child peeling the wings of any creature he finds.
Human and monster alike.
His cruelty is built on the idea that he's superior to everyone yet he's died so many times because he is weak.
His cruelty is because he is weak not because he is strong.
He hasn't learned his lessons and he won't, because weak people who think they are cruel for strength never do.
My lord is strong and cruel.
His cruelty is never painted as a lesson.
It's never painted as a greater good.
It's never painted as the one and only option because it is right.
It's the one and only option because he says it is.
Because he is cruelty and evil.
Because he can shoulder the hate of an entire country, an entire world, an entire Heaven and Hell.
His cruelty is the cruelty of the strong.
And that is why I'll let Paul live.
Because he's a weak creature that will eventually be crying and crying and crying with no one to listen.
No one save those with too bleeding of hearts.
And perhaps, then, perhaps then... he will learn something.
But he will never learn what it is to be truly cruel.
You understand, yes?
<ghostprince> [he's spent!]
[Almost comically, anticlimactically short after all that, but he's done.]
Mitsuhide-san, what would you do if your lord ever came here?
< mitsuhide > [ mitsuhide's unhappy with a lot of things that is going on, ruining his usual buzz ]
A good question.
One that doesn't have an easy answer.
I had decided back home that I would not go to his side until my Kingo was lost to the world.
I decided that I would continue to play pretend as Tenkai.
Yet Kingo is not here and I am myself.
And yet if I return to his side, you shall see a Mitsuhide you do not recognize.
It depends if people rat me out.
For all I have spoken of my lord, for all I have said, would they immediately tell him I am here?
If they do, I will have to go back or be seen as a traitor.
If no one says anything, I will have to see on my feelings.
I will have to see on them.
< mitsuhide > [2/2]
It is true I miss him.
It is true I would love to hear his voice.
It is true I would adore it if he acknowledged and called my name.
But at the same time, at the same time, I made a decision back home to not be at his side.
I couldn't uphold it while I was here.
Last year, yes, I grew too desperate and lost and frightened without him.
Indeed, I spoke to an imagined idea of him for months and months on end.
Indeed, it gave me comfort to do so.
But now I am feeling a little more whole.
Captivity gifted me some insight instead of drove me closer to another breaking point.
It's a difficult thing to say, Shootie, about what I would do.
But it would not be an easy decision in any case.
In any case, it would not be easy.
<ghostprince> [1/2; ... why this subject choice, sheesh]
It sounds terribly difficult. But, if it saves you, you can return to him. If he is that important to you...
It also would not be wise, if he is strong and so cruel, to earn his enmity.
<ghostprince> [2/2; aaand jealousy]
You don't have to answer that.
I knew Rio-san missed another boy back then. She even said I reminded her of him, a little..
[Terribly insecure, this one.]
< mitsuhide > [1/2]
My lord is someone that would ask me why I would take so long to return to him, if he knew I was here and I did not immediately make myself known.
His comment may end up being along the lines of ... what do I need more in my life than him?
Indeed, I talk a lot about him.
Indeed, I talk fondly about him to everyone I am able to squeal happily about him.
But our relationship is complicated.
Terribly complicated.
More so than I like to admit.
It's easiest to focus on the good of our loved ones.
Much easier and much more fun.
And you know me ... I do not like doing anything that isn't fun if I can avoid it.
< mitsuhide > [2/2; ;A; ]
I am going to answer it.
It seems I am being misunderstood so I must answer.
I do love you for you.
Kingo is completely different from you.
The only similarities that you have is that you saved me when I was without anyone just as Kingo saved me. But even that... Kingo did so without knowing who I was; you knew who I was.
He did it completely out of the goodness of his heart, and because I looked like someone who needed help. I'm not saying that you do not have such goodness in yours, but I don't think that is all you thought when you came for me.
Kingo also sees in me someone who will protect him from all things in the world, too. You are not so naive nor so soft a person to be frightened of the world, yes? Even with this trouble with Paul, I know that you will once more find means to reach out to touch the world, again.
Perhaps far more cautious, but you will do so. That is the faith I have in you.
There is no substitute for Kingo and there is no substitute for you.
<ghostprince> [it's okay!!! - he's just a jealous person by nature ^^;]
Thank you.
< mitsuhide > [ ;A; it's okay, shootie ]
Hm.
You're welcome.
Yes, that'll do.