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[ufufufufu]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, MITSUHIDE AKECHI. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 011.27.954.55 *** USER has joined 011.27.954.55 <AUTOMATIC RESPONSE, DO NOT RETURN> Yes? Yes. This is our channel. Him and me. Who are you looking for? Perhaps a third face? :) No, no. Probably not. Okay. I will wait. I humbly apologize. That was confusing, was it not? That man and me share this channel. It would be draining otherwise. If you are in need of Tenkai, please let me know. If you are calling him, I wonder if that is wise? Hahaha.

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[ufufufufu]

Kira came with everyone else, right? All the new people. Poor Kira. My heart went out to him. Even my heart can do something so human. [ He immediately starts to laugh. A pause as he looks upstairs. "Kosaku's" in a mood, isn't he? ]

For someone who openly shows a little bit of weakness in front of me... I felt sympathy. I did! I promise that I did, honest! [ Another fit of giggles. ] I don't know him well. I don't know him as you know Jotaro. I would like to know him. That's why I ask him to talk to me. "Please talk to me every week for a set amount of time, Kira."

If he does that, I promise that I will protect him with my life. [ He's skipping a few steps, isn't he? Yes, he is skipping a few steps, too. ] But I'll be torn to pieces before he has to make that face again.

[ A sigh. ] Poor Kira. I don't want him to make such an expression again. [ A beat. ] Kira is a nice person. Do you want to make friends with him, too? Don't tell him that you love him. He hates it. He hates it! I thought he would yell at me, but he didn't... somehow that's worse... so please make friends with him, Josuke.

You're a good boy -- ah, I'm wasting a lot of talking -- isn't it a bit arrogant to talk about someone so fondly when you don't know them? I'd say Kira would yell at me, but --

[pomaded]

[Again, it takes Josuke a short while to actually process the message- and, even then, he needs a little longer to come up with a suitable response. Or rather, to come up with a response that doesn't involve as much cursing and delinquent slurring as his first few attempts do. Those are just going to stay tucked away on his device, complete with spelling mistakes- areyoufuckingserious.mp3, fyckngperfct.mp3, etc.

He'd already known that Kira was here but to think that he was-

No. Calm down. Focus.]

Look. I'm not- I- [What can he possibly say? Admitting that he'd rugby tackle the guy into speeding traffic on sight isn't going to help- by the sounds of things, it'll only make things worse. For whatever reason, Mitsuhide's set on taking care of him and trying to disrupt that... well. He wouldn't risk it. Baby steps.] Has he mentioned me at all?

[ufufufufu]

Has Kira mentioned you?

[ He holds his chin. ] Has Kira mentioned you? [ Ah? ] I don't know if I'm supposed to say. I'm sorry! Kira gets mad at me for this and Kira gets mad at me for that. I never know what makes him mad.

I don't want to make him mad. He doesn't respond like a person should when I make him mad. He understands what it is that I want most from him and he decides that he won't give it to me. But it isn't a childish response like Katsuie's. No, not at all.

[ A loud sigh followed by lots of giggling. ] He gets hard feelings. Hard feelings! He'll resent me but do nothing to make himself feel better about that resentment. He'll hate me but won't do anything about that hate. He'll do that and if he does, won't that make things difficult for Kira? Kira shouldn't hold those feelings like that. He shouldn't. So, you understand, Josuke?

I won't make him mad by doing something he won't like.

[pomaded]

[They've exchanged only a handful of messages but Josuke's already learning to mentally cute down Mitsuhide's responses like an editor faced with a particularly verbose author's finest work. The long and short of it seems to be that he's eager to stay on Kira's good side and, consequently, he's not going to tell him one way or another.

Great.

Josuke drops back in his chair, blowing a few loose strands of hair back up against his pompadour.]

... alright, I get it. I mean, I'd really like to know, Mitsuhide. It's very important to me... but I won't ask again.

[He's not putting much faith in his ability to talk him into answering- and he's not going to try any harder than that- but he has only to wait until Rohan meets up with Kira anyway, right...?]

So, he's staying with you? In Vandare?

[ufufufufu]

Very important? Do you think he is the same Kira? Are you wanting to make friends? Or--?

[ Mitsuhide wonders and immediately starts to giggle hysterically. That question? He easily answers it without any hesitation. ]

With me? No.

[ With Katsuie and him. With Katsuie, "Tenkai," and him. Not staying "with him." ] But he may be in Vandare? Maybe? I don't know. I don't keep track of what he does. He said that he'd hate it if I told him what to do. So he may be, but he may not be. It's like that. I hope that he'll come to speak to me more and more, but he might not. [ A little more giggling follows. ]

[pomaded]

["I'd like his face to make friends with my fist". Thankfully, it comes out as-]

Yeah. Something like that. He's... very important [there's that word again but it's so useful and neutral] to me. And I'm pretty sure he's the same man.

[Friends. Enemies. Pretty sure. Very sure. Mitsuhide's not the only one twisting the truth here and there at the moment.]

[ufufufufu]

Kira will be so happy to know that he's important to someone, I think? Humans like that, don't they? They like to hear those sort of things? Ah, but Kira doesn't like it when I tell him that I love him. So, maybe not? Would that make him mad? Kira's exceptionally confusing to me. [ He giggles loudly. ]

Yes, Kira mentioned you once. You're his enemy. [ And he loudly starts to laugh. ] But I wonder? Are you like the Dragon and the Tiger Cub? Maybe? [ More laughing follows. No, Mitsuhide. They're not like Date and Yukimura who fight each other and blow up mountains in their fighting but ultimately are pretty gay for one another. Hooboy. ]

[pomaded]

If he mentioned me before then why did you- [It comes out sharp and aggressive, anger starting to lick at the corners of his words like flames. He's getting impatient and it shows.] You know what? Just forget it. I guess there's nothing else to say here anyway.

[ufufufufu]

[ He shrinks back a little, frowning. ]

I humbly apologize. [ Also he's getting a little concerned about how many cats he's giving Kira. ] I do not know why you are angry. Even if he said that before, I think that the two of you are wrong. Mistaken? Probably.

Josuke is a nice boy who writes poems with me. Kira is a nice man who likes cats. How could these people be enemies? A misunderstanding? Probably? But Kira is an adult and doesn't apologize even when he is wrong. [ Mitsuhide laughs loudly. ] So, Josuke, you could apologize to him and then cease misunderstanding. He is someone important to you, so that's the best way to settle things nicely.

That is something that I wanted to say now that I pieced and pulled things together.

[pomaded]

He is not a nice man- he's-

[A number of explanations come to the front of his mind, dance momentarily on his lips and then die before before he can get them out. Does it even really matter how they got here? Instead, he gives a short, agitated laugh. The sound is harsh enough that it makes his microphone peak.]

There's no misunderstanding here and I'm not apologising for shit. He's fucked up. He's the one who messed with me.

[ufufufufu]

He is a nice man like Josuke is nice. But Kira is also very confusing.

[ He flinches a little at the sound. It's a nice one that hurts his ears, but it probably hurts Josuke to laugh like that. Didn't he say that he's the only one who likes to be hurt? ]

Would it help if I apologized for his actions?