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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, MITSUHIDE AKECHI. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 011.27.954.55 *** USER has joined 011.27.954.55 <AUTOMATIC RESPONSE, DO NOT RETURN> Yes? Yes. This is our channel. Him and me. Who are you looking for? Perhaps a third face? :) No, no. Probably not. Okay. I will wait. I humbly apologize. That was confusing, was it not? That man and me share this channel. It would be draining otherwise. If you are in need of Tenkai, please let me know. If you are calling him, I wonder if that is wise? Hahaha. | ||||
we can dream.
You're Tenkai-san, aren't you?
[He referred to Mitsuhide as if speaking of another person, but also, his manner is gentler.]
I was sc— ... worried I hurt Mitsuhide-san.
I didn't want you to replace him. That's something you decided on your own.
I never wanted to reject him. Did I hurt him? Was that a betrayal? I want to accept him, but I also want to protect people. I want to do good, sometimes, even if I'm not really a good person.
... but, is not being able to handle him right now... does that make me evil? Or just a bad friend?
[Terribly innocent concerns.]
... I just... don't want anyone else to die.
[He winces, biting back a short pained sound, but otherwise only keeps his gaze on Mitsuhide, seemingly still, aside from a shoulder jerking.
But if Mitsuhide follows the wing or if he feels the feathers falling at his feet, he'll find that Shootie has plucked a few of his feathers out. Not for threading together, just a stressed bird's habit.]
it's a nice dream
I'm taking a break. [ Mitsuhide repeats. ] Warm hot bubble bath in the name of this other face. [ A light pat against Shootie's face while he waves his hand over his own. His voice remains calm, slow, careful. ] I was getting too upset. But you're worried that you hurt me?
[ His eyes slide away as he tilts his head slightly, mulling over the question. Beneath the mask, there is soft giggling heard in the span of that silence. ] No, you didn't hurt me. I didn't consider it a betrayal. You're a good person. You don't want people to suffer, and you don't want me to suffer. That is more kindness than what I deserve.
[ Something he told Clarence, too. Worrying that he would die, worrying how he would die, that is far more kindness than what he deserves in this world or any world. ] No, it doesn't make you a bad friend or evil. It makes you normal. No one can handle me right now save for Lord Nobunaga. He would probably beat me until I could not walk and leave until all the rage would be burned out of my broken body.
[ He ruffles Shootie's hair. His eyes sliding to notice the feathers that are falling off of him. Mitsuhide feels his eyes soften at the sight while his mouth sharpens into a smile. His voice continues to comfort. ] I'm sorry I caused you such panic. You should not accept this from me. [ A sigh. ] I did not think I would see this side of myself in a long time. Such a long time.
And this is not your burden to bear, you understand? Yes? These are my actions and my words... they do not reflect upon you and if someone says they do, they are wrong. Very wrong. Most wrong, even. [ His voice spikes in pitch as a burst of laughter comes out. He lifts his hand to once more adjust the mask. ] Mmn, mmn, indeed. Indeed.
[...... child]
I was. [Worried, that is.
Nn... [The hair-ruffling takes him by surprise and he almost raises hands to stop it, but. He doesn't. Tears escape unbidden, before he even realizes they had gathered in his eyes. He tries to nestle into Mitsuhide, despite the icy touch— his feathers ruffle and fan out to keep him warm, but he stays close.]
I don't like my hair being touched. Adeku-san used to do that, both when I was small and later, but he doesn't remember that. It hurts now.
[Seeming to realize something, he suddenly lifts his head.]
Hey, Mitsuhide-san, is that why you like it? To be beaten up? Because he did it? Or because your feelings are too much to deal with?
... can you beat a heart so it does not feel anymore? So nothing would hurt...?
[With that decidedly unpleasant question, he lifts his head to look up at him almost hopefully. But Shootie, if that were possible, would that not have been done already?]
[ Oh dear ]
Likening a kind gesture to someone and never letting anyone else be kind in that way is its own cell. It means that it will always hurt until it doesn't.
[ He states at him for a time, eyes sliding to look to the wall as he mulls over his answer. His deer ears flicks, disrupting his hair. ]
No, no, nothing like that... [ His eyes come back to focus back on Shootie's face. ] Pain is a means for me to connect to people. I may not think or respond the same ways as everyone else but I feel the same agony as they do.
There is no amount of pain that can deaden the heart, unfortunately. [ He pinches the young one's cheek, pulling on it slightly but only enough to sting a little. ] I remember a young woman that was completely destroyed in all manner by my lord yet she could still cry and still feel pain.
Such is the glory of my lord, I suppose, but no one can escape their own hearts. They are too much, you see? Too much? Even when they are screaming, there is a part yearning for love and so it will experience pain again and again... because even if the mind has given up hope, the heart shall not.
[ He giggles with a small shrug of his shoulders. ] Killing that girl will wound a part in you, won't it? Even if I tell you that these are my decisions and actions... you will still feel responsible for it?
[diffused excellently!]
H-hey! That hurts. [He looks decidedly put-out by it, rubbing his cheek.]
... I guess that makes sense.
Hearts are terribly inconvenient.
... [He doesn't really want to talk about that, it sound like weakness— but, never the less, he nods.]
Yes. Because I'm responsible for you, in a way, now that we live together. Even if you take care of me...
But I understand, I think. You can go. Just. One blow, okay? Like you said, don't drag it out.
[He gives him one more squeeze, then, lets go.]
[ super effective! ]
[ He squints at Shootie in the way of a parent might their child. But he follows it up with a soft sigh. His decision has been made -- it has been made but he recognizes that he may not return. He's died enough that memories have been taken from his childhood are lost. Those memories were always fuzzy but sometimes he could pull small chunks back. Now it is sand slipping through his fingers. Nothing solid. ]
And you are to make two promises to me. Two promises, understood? [ Mitsuhide does not wait before he starts in. ] First, you will not tell anyone if I do not return. You will not post it. You will not say it to anyone. [ His eyes close. Because the scales must remain balanced. They must remain balanced. ]
Second, you will not stay here in this house alone. You will go spend time with someone. [ The weight of waiting is too much. The weight of waiting alone is worse. His voice sounds different -- not the calm, easy one that he usually speaks with, but one of authority and some harsh bite to it. He won't yield on these points. He can't. ]
You must go. You understand, you must go. And ... and then ... we shall see each other again.
no subject
The idea that he might not return is painful. That he cannot confide it in anyone is common sense.]
... I cannot wait here, from the moment you leave? Or only if you do not return?
If I had my team, I would send one of them with you.
They do not fight for others, only their trainers, normally, but for you.... I'm sure at least some of them would.
[They may only be words, but there is a certain gravitas to them too, he hoped would be meaningful.]
no subject
[ His head lightly shakes at the idea of Shootie staying here even a second after he is gone. A giggle immediately follows and he breathes out the laugh. ]
If you do not start moving immediately, I believe you would not be able to move at all. [ The sick in the room will be dealt with, indeed, but this is something much more important. He softens his voice as he violently shakes his head. ]
No. I would not accept you sending anyone with me, even if you could. I appreciate that you would send someone with me, but I would not accept Clarence's help, either. Eyes will turn, you see? Eyes will turn and blame you. At the moment, you are only blaming yourself.
[ Another pinch on the cheek. ] And I cannot protect or stop you from that, unfortunately. But I will not have others be blamed for my actions by others. So, take care of yourself until I return.
no subject
Finally, he nods again and rises, sorting out his feathers.]
I will. That's my promise to you. [He raises his hand as if to lift his pinky, but that doesn't quite seem appropriate given the gravity of the situation— he doesn't lower thehand in case it keeps Mitsuhide from pinching him again— his cheeks are all red!
He looks out the window, briefly.]
気をつけてね。 ["Take care, okay?"]
no subject
[ His tail flicks back and forth. It's nice to hear that language once more and it makes his smile soften that much more. ]
Now I must -- [ Do some cleaning and leave. Yes, little things to do before he goes. It's not the usual excitement that eats at him. The excitement that means of going into battle. His head tilts a little as he realizes the drooling and soft giggling has stopped. ] -- such is the terror of the heart, I suppose. I suppose.
You take care as well.